Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
