Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
