gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
