Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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