stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
