my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
