Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
