Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
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