did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
