I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
