Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
