her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I'm like, not good at living.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
