Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
