Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
