I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
