Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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