I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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