Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Randomize