he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
