She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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