so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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