ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
