dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
