come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
