It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Randomize
