Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
