the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
