I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Randomize
