ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
