I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
