the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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