I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
