My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us�
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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