Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
