do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
