I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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