Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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