Pants 0. Shit 1.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
