True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
