So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I think my fart just growled at me.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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