I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
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