No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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