I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Sober January is a disaster.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Randomize
