Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
