dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
