I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
