I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
