Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
