My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
