I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Randomize
