So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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