Just cropdusted the office
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
